Sorry.

I guess I'll never be as well as I claim.

I could tell you all the things I've learned, but I guess I never really learned anything important.

After three years, after maturing as much as I thought I did...The winter is the only thing that brings me comfort. I can already feel the ice in the world getting lighter...and my head is exploding, wondering how I'm going to to make it through another summer. How will I make it through this one?

I wish, I wish so many things. I wish I wasn't so young. I wish you could have seen that I cared just as much as you. I wish I could have been a friend and a lover at the same time. I wish your eyes didn't melt my heart. I wish...God...I just WISH I could start over...and you know something?

Something very important...

That is the ONLY thing I would rewind time for. I could go through the alcohol again, I could go through the failure again, I could go through all the painful things, if I could only redo that one thing, If I could just fix who I was with that one flaw that made you stray.

And I know it's so sick and wrong...and trust me, I know it's infantile and I should just move on...but it's how I feel.

But I promise I will pretend. Sometimes, pretending makes it feel better, when people stop giving me the pity...when they stop asking me...Yea, I know I can do it.

And you know what else?

I'm sorry. For everything.