Rant.

Something familure about the way I felt.
Something I didn't like.
It's like when you're a child
and things feel sooo big
like when you look at that step and you're so proud you finally jumped over it
but you come back ten years later
and the accomplishment is nothing
and you're wondering if it was the step that changed
And maybe the step did change
maybe it sunk in a little
maybe it's a little more slanted...
but you know it's the same step
I guess the air could have changed
Now the air is making me sick though
It's making me wonder why I came back
And I do wonder
Because I used to have such fond memories
And now it's just this big disappointment
I'm a big disappointment
They tell me all about the things I do
Before I do them even
And I know in my heart
That my heart won't be in it
But I do it
Because
Because
Because I guess
It makes me feel more in control
Even when I lose control
But it was my choice
And the mistakes I make are my choice
and I accumulate all this responcibility
Just so I can feel like I control that too
But the truth would probably be
The I don't have enough patience to wait for life to teach me in its own time
So here I am
Messing with fate
and learning to learn
all by myself


Ugh.