I partied hard on the first year...but I burned a lot of bridges.

Suppose I did decide to give up...Suppose I decided the fight wasn't worth it. I could do that. I could throw everything I've worked so hard for away. Who would I let down? All those people that never saw I was struggling anyways. I don't even know now. I never planned to live this long, you know? I don't know what made me think I could do it. I remember when I turned sixteen, and it freaked me out. I haden't planned anything for after sixteen, so you know for sure I haden't planned anything for seventeen or eighteen. And hell, I could die now maybe. I guess not, I would have some ends to tie up. This is all so complicated though. I've kept it together pretty well though, I've gone through the motions of being a real person. Sometimes I just wish someone would do I all for me. I mean, I do all I can and it seems like it's barley ever enough. Oh, thanks to everyone that never told me all this bullshit about relationships too. You know, I always know better too. I think to myself "Manda, you shouldn't be dating a 26 year old"...but I do it anyways or "Manda, you shouldn't be messing with your older brothers friends" but hell, I do that one more often than the first one. How ridiculous can I get? Well, in the end I guess the only thing is to keep doing what I've been doing. Keep living until it's not a higher powers will. Keep trying. I guess. Like I said though, the former life style seems like a nice break right now.