Grace Kelly

I should have listened to myself. I want so bad right now to blame this all on something else, I want to blame it on bad luck, how nothing good ever comes to me...but I know it's my fault.

I watched as she drank herself into a careless person, she drank herself some emotions and liked the way it felt to not keep it inside. I watched silently, secretly dreading a potential confrontation. Just watching.

I knew I should have said something, but what business is it of mine?

I'm an enabler, and a bad friend.

I didn't think it was that bad...I thought "she's a big girl, I've seen her drink more, who am I to say anything"

But she's not a big girl, and neither am I. I knew that part, I really did know it.

It wasn't until I heard her head slam into the cement that I really thought I was going to have to grow up. You know the absolute worst part? All I could think about was how I really didn't want to get in trouble.

Her eyes rolled into the back of her head and I shook her, begging her to just get up, telling her we just needed to make it through this night and after we could take care of everything else, we just needed to make it through the night.

I would have done ANYTHING to avoid confronting her problem...because maybe then I would have to confront some problems of my own.

At one point she said "just leave me" and even though I knew it was just drunk babbling, I thought about it...but then what would have happened? I could have just left, I didn't need to force my fingers down her throat, or call her brother to help, but what does that really mean? If I had been a good friend, or even a good person, I would have called an ambulance, or better yet, not enabled her.

And now, I am sitting here, not knowing how her night ended, not knowing if she's alright...but knowing that things really are going to change and instead of taking the change into my own hands, I let time play its games on me.

I have no one to talk to, and I have so much to say. God.